Your self-image is the way you view yourself. You might view yourself as a parent, construction worker, friend, blonde, sports fan, intelligent, impatient, and middle-aged. But you’re more than your career, gender, and age. You’re more than others' opinions of you.
You’re a unique person with nuances that are unique to you!
When who you are aligns with what you do, you’re living authentically.
But most of us view ourselves as one way and live another.
Authentic people act congruently with their values and their self-image.
An authentic self-image is one that is aligned with your values.
The benefits of this congruency are enormous: success, self-esteem, respect from others, greater health, and inner peace.
Those that live misaligned with their values, beliefs, and attitudes have more stress and experience more anxiety, guilt, and shame.
It might seem easier to live up to the expectations of others in the short-term, but the long-term costs are significant.
I can speak to these these long-term costs.
I was feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and didn't know what was causing this feeling. I thought I may be coming down with something. I was stressed at work, but wasn't looking too closely at possible causes of the feelings. I was having trouble walking the couple blocks from my car into my workplace, and telling myself, "I don't know how long I can do this job, its killing me.", and "I'd give anything for a vacation right now!"
Next thing I know, I'm home in bed with the flu and it was no vacation. While recovering, it gave me some time to reflect on the weeks leading up to my "vacation". This was when I recognized a big source of my stress was feeling like my values and my workplace were not in alignment. With further inner work, I recognized this was not a new feeling and by letting it continue it was taking a toll on my health. The stress made me more susceptible to the flu, and high blood pressure, and overall irritability which was affecting my relationships both at home and at work.
By doing work on myself, determining my values and my own path, I first made my inner adjustments to protect my energy and engage in better self-care. As I did this, I found my path and made my exit plan from the job that was not lighting up my spirit.
I share this with you, as I know that staying true to yourself is only possible when you know yourself. Knowing ourselves is not always an easy thing to do, but becomes easier when we have a plan.
Follow these steps to determine your true self and live life on your terms:
1
Identify your core values.
You can build a self-image and life that are more meaningful and enjoyable.
By knowing your values, you’ll gain an understanding of what is important to you. Once you’re aware of your values, you can build a self-image and life that are more meaningful and enjoyable.
2
Determine if you have any conflicts.
For example, you might say that adventure and freedom are two of your most important values, but what if you also strongly favor responsibility and security? Those values could be in conflict.
When you’re faced with an inner conflict, you’re likely to shut down and do nothing.
If you’ve ever been paralyzed while making a decision, it’s possible your values were in conflict.
Think back to when you’ve struggled to make a decision and see if it’s true.
- Do you have any values listed that aren’t really priorities for you? We often carry around perspectives instilled by our parents, other family members, or society. Here’s a newsflash: they may have been wrong.
- Take the time to determine your values for yourself. Disregard what society says you should value. You’re an individual.
3
Create an action plan for each value.
Imagine one of your values is frugality. You could create a budget and savings plan that incorporates that value. You might plan to start clipping coupons, visit less expensive stores, and search for free entertainment options available on the weekends.
4
Make a list of activities you enjoy that are in alignment with your values.
For example, if generosity is a priority, you could find an enjoyable way to spend your time helping others.
If health is a value you cherish, you could join a soccer team or a yoga class. Find your favorite sport and participate.
5
Evaluate yourself at the end of each day.
Think about the instances when you failed to live according to your values.
Likewise, contemplate the times you were able to live according to your values and self-image, particularly when doing so was challenging.
By first identifying and choosing your own values and then constructing a life that allows you to live out those values consistently, you thrive in the process.
Authenticity eliminates many of the common stressors in life, but it’s not always the easiest choice.
Be bold enough to choose the person you want to become and live accordingly.
The benefits are enormous.
What are your values?